Viator Et Iudicium
by Lady Raion
Summary: Shiva never loves, as she was betrayed so long ago. Now she has the chance to take revenge into her hands, but will she lose herself to the darkness instead? Entry for Evil Shiva Challenge


A/N:  Well, here goes my entry for the evil Shiva fanfic contest…  Flashbacks are supposed to be in italics, but I can't promise that this will format right.  The past and the present switch out every section except for the last two.

                                                                Viator Et Iudicium 

            _I was marching steadily toward my own doom.  I had never been a believer in destiny, and this sudden 'twist of fate' only reinforced the idea that my life was not in the hands of some higher power.  Yet, it was not in my own, either.  The hot coals burning beneath my bare feet were a constant reminder of this._

_            He had insisted the ceremony take place at dusk, when the sky was crimson red, as if it were painted with the blood of the fading sun.  He was a warlord, after all.  I believe he had a taste for blood, and soon, mine would be his.  Guards kept a firm hand on both my elbows, guiding me steadily along the burning path to the alter.  It was a tradition in western Centra for the bride to be to walk to her betrothed over a bed of smoldering coals.  If the bride did not cry out in pain, she was pure by the grace of Hyne.  I'd never heard anything so foolish in my life._

_            The crowd on either side of the path cheered happily as I passed them by.  To them, it signified a new beginning.  The sacrifice of my happiness meant a time of peace between eastern and western Centra.  He was a prince of the west, and I, a princess of the east.  My parents had declared it a heavenly match, but as I looked about me, I could only see hell._

_            A pair of eyes, standing out from the crowd, caught with my own, and for a short eternity, I was captured by them.  They belonged to a tall, broad shouldered man in a long red coat.  The top of his coat hid his mouth from view, so that only his piercing crimson eyes peeked out from beneath messy auburn bangs.  His hair, something between brown and flaming red, fell untamed over his shoulders, the longer strands held together in a loose gold band.  He had the stern look of a warrior, and was standing near the front, signifying a high status.  I could feel myself blush beneath my sheer white veil, until one of the guards slapped my arm._

_            "Look forward!" he hissed._

_            At last I was able to step up to the cool stone in front of the alter, yet this did nothing to lessen the pain of my scarred feet.  Still, I expressed no emotion.  They didn't call me the Ice Queen for no reason._

_            "Lady Shiva," the deep, rumbling voice beside me greeted as he lifted my veil.  It was the first time I had seen him up close.  He was a hulking man with light hair, and dark eyes, and a thin mouth that was always pulled into a scowl.  "You look lovely."_

_            I stared upon him with cold, azure eyes.  "Sir Brahma.  Nice to see you, again."_

_            He grabbed my arm with crushing force, and jerked me forward, so that I was facing the priest of Hyne that stood before us.  It finally hit me then, that there was no escaping._

_            After the ceremony had taken place, I was dragged behind Sir Brahma and introduced to all of his acquaintances.  Once again, I felt my heart quiver, as I was suddenly looking into the eyes of the red-clad stranger._

_            "Shiva," Brahma announced to me.  "This is my brother, Ifrit.  Please, do be cordial to him, despite his freakish appearance.  He will be your escort when I am away at battle."_

_            I still could not see his mouth, but I knew he was smiling as he bowed to me.  "Brother, you speak of strange appearances as a bad thing," he began.  "Your bride is a unique beauty herself."_

_            I could feel my face heat up again, despite my attempt to be calm.  It was true, that I looked rather strange myself.  I was fair skinned, with long, braided hair the color of snow, and bright, almost glowing blue eyes._

_            "I am pleased to meet you," I spoke softly, and offered my hand to him._

_            He placed a light kiss on my knuckles, and I felt as though electricity had shot through my body.  I still feel that way, when I look back at it.  But now, when I reminisce of the way he touched me... I feel sick._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            I awoke from my slumber with a start.  I could hear him calling me again.  I would answer, of course, but I felt the need to stretch my limbs and rub the non-existent sleep from my eyes first.  After all, I was not yet that close to him.  It wouldn't do for me to come right away.

            "You must always keep them on their toes at first," I'd been told.  "Until you get to know them better, and you know you can trust them, wait just a bit before you answer them."

            Looking around the dark, empty void, I could see that the older guardian force that shared this space with me had been junctioned to another.  He was a wise old man, or so he had been in his lifetime.  He was once called the sage of the mountains, he claimed, and he called the thunder to do his bidding, just as he does now.

            Laughing to myself at the thought of the old spirit, I allowed myself to vanish from the mental realm that imprisoned me, and I suddenly found myself in a cave, flames licking at my pale, icy skin.  I looked ahead to the enemy, and found myself staring into the dark eyes of a beast that fed off flames.  I willed the ice I knew so well, to come forth, and incase the wild creature.  As soon as his frosty prison shattered, he roared in pain.

            "You have Shiva!"

            My heart would have skipped a beat, had I still one in my chest.  He knew my name, and I felt as though I should know his.  My master, a young man with a heart of ice such as I once had, called me a few more times before the beast was vanquished.  I sat alone, viewing my master's memories in boredom, when I felt a searing hand upon my shoulder.

            "It's been a while, Shiva."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            _A soft sigh escaped my throat as he gently teased the sensitive skin of my neck.  His hands pressed into my back, pushing me against his body in a tight embrace.  The dimly lit room seemed to spin as he tore open my dress in a display of passion I'd never imagined before.  His scent, his touch, his taste... my mind was hazy, my senses intoxicated by the sweet poison that filled my body, by the heady feeling of being desired, not just as an object of lust, but as a human being that could take just as well as give.  It was as if he knew every wild fantasy that had passed through my mind and was seeking to fulfill them._

_            "Do you love me?" he whispered into my ear as his hands continued his exploration and conquering of my body._

_            "Yes!" I cried back, caught in the throes of the ecstasy he had induced._

_            He said nothing more, but claimed my lips as well as my body.  He moved slowly, whether to prolong the glorious feeling, or to torture me, I wasn't sure.  Everything surrounding me was just a blur.  Even the soft velvet sofa beneath my back didn't register with my mind.  I could've been floating on air and not have known it.  My entire being was focused on the sensations he caused, my existence depending solely on the incredible feeling it longed for.  Each stroke caused fire to spread throughout my body, and just as it would recede, he would make it burn to life once more._

_            "I'll die!" I choked out._

_            He shook his head, never once disturbing his rhythm.  "This is the way it is supposed to be, my love."_

_            His hot breath upon my neck increased the trembling of my body, and I struggled to regain control.  Of all the things that were out of my hands, my physical being was one of the only things still under my command.  Now, he was making me lose that, too, and it made me love him even more._

_            Just as I was certain I could take no more, my body tensed and I was flooded with a divine sensation that made me all at once blind and deaf, even to my own scream._

_            Moments later, when we had regained our breath, he took me into his arms, laying his head upon my chest.  "See.  You lived."_

_            "Yes.  I never imagined.  Brahma, he never..."_

_            "I know," he nodded, his hair tickling my skin.  "Brahma cares for nothing but himself, do you not agree?"_

_            "Yes.  He is quite a self-centered man."_

_            "Yes.  I fear that will be the fall of Centra.  How can he lead the people, when he does not care for them?  Yet, he holds to his position of power with an iron fist.  Something must be done to rid Centra of him before he leads us all to our deaths."_

_            I laughed.  "Ifrit, dear, what could we ever do to dethrone someone as powerful as he?"_

_            Ifrit propped himself up on his elbow and smiled.  "That, my love, is where you come in."_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

            "Don't touch me!" I hissed.  Immediately, the hand withdrew.

            "So, you have become a guardian force as well?" he asked.  "What was it that kept you tied to this earth after your death?"

            "My hatred of you," I growled.

            "I see," he replied.  "Would you like to know what it was that kept me here?"

            "I don't give a damn!"

            As I turned to confront him once more, he was vanishing before my eyes.  Good.  He was being junctioned to someone else.  Now I would not have to hear his voice, or suffer his touch any longer.

            I didn't see him again for quite some time after that.  I was joined by others, however.  A woman named Siren, and a little boy named Carbuncle shared my living space.  They were great companions, yet the most interesting addition to my master's collection of guardians was a man by the name of Diablo.

            It had been a long, boring day for the most part, and so I was busying myself by watching memories of my master as a boy.  Many of his other memories had been pushed away to make room for us, and this one was on the verge of disappearance when I caught it.  I could see my master clearly, abandoned and alone as he stood in the rain.  I felt closer to him, then.  We had both suffered the same horrible fate.

            It was at the end of this memory that I felt a dark presence behind me.  He had been here for a few days, yet he'd avoided everyone.  I turned and glanced up at him.  He was a handsome man, with black hair and eyes, and even the black armor of a knight to match.  He fixed me with his dark gaze, before speaking in a low, deep voice.

            "You wish for revenge?"

            "How did you…?"

            "I remember you.  Lady Shiva, princess of eastern Centra.  You were married to Sir Brahma.  I was one of his knights... before my death, that is."

            "You died in the battle of-"

            "My story is a long one, and it does not bare repeating.  I asked you a question."

            I nodded slowly.  "Yes... It would be nice, after all that he did to me."

            "Very well then.  I can grant you that revenge.  Now, however, is not the time.  There is a great battle on the horizon, and we shall be needed.  After all is calm once more, you shall have the closure you seek."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            _I smiled broadly at him, opening the top of my dress to give him a better view.  "You must be so tired," I spoke in my sweetest voice.  "Will you not come rest your head upon my bosom?"_

_            He laughed.  "Are you drunk?  You were a frigid woman just before I left you."_

_            I pouted slightly.  "I suppose your absence has made me realize that I should be thankful to you.  With you gone, there was no one to guide, no one to warm my bed."  I bit my lip, hoping to look insecure.  "I may seem like a strong woman, but inwardly..."_

_            He snorted.  "Pride is not very becoming of a lady."_

_            "I know sir," I replied quickly.  I loosened my dress, untying the sashes that held it closed until it fell from my shoulders.  "I've missed you so.  Let us not talk of trivial things."_

_            He pulled me into his embrace and backed me forcefully into the table where a map of the new continent was spread out.  He forced his lips to mine as his arms crushed my waist, and he lifted me up to sit me upon the table.  "You are such a beautiful woman," he murmured as he positioned himself between my thighs.  "Were you more obedient, you would be perfect."_

_            I cautiously pulled the steel plates off his back, afraid that he would reprimand me for taking any kind of initiative.  But no, he was too busy assaulting my bruised mouth.  I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him closer, before slipping the glittering blade from the sleeve of my under-clothing.  _

_            "Farewell, my dear Brahma," I whispered, just as I drove the dagger into his back._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            Days passed into months before Diablo came to me again.  He towered over me, as he did the first time we met, and asked, "Do you still wish for vengeance?"

            I stood and nodded.  "I haven't changed my mind."

            He loosened the iron gauntlet on his hand, then offered it to me.  With slight hesitation, I placed my hand in his.  I was the spirit of ice itself, and yet his hand seemed cold, even to me.  He held my gaze for a long moment, and I couldn't help but shiver.  It was as though he were peering into my soul, and reading of my every sin.

            "You still wish for retaliation?  You wish for release from this pain?" he whispered.

            I was his prisoner, his slave, entranced by the cold void present in his eyes, and the promise of power I felt in the grip of his hand.  "Yes," I replied breathlessly, and without my mind's permission.  

            He pulled me closer to him, and my skin prickled in anticipation.  I felt as if lava were flowing within my limbs, and the closer he got, the more I began to tremble.  He cocked his head to the side, and met his lips with mine, softly and yet I felt my knees start to buckle.  Something cold, and empty gripped at my chest, and I felt I was spiraling down into someplace warm and safe.  I cried out, a feeling of both pain and pleasure swelling within me at once.  It was like tasting bitter wine laced with the sweet juice of a peach.  Then, there was nothing more as numbness overcame me.  No pain, and no pleasure, there was only the safety of the darkness.

            He pulled back, still holding my hand, and caressed my cheek, almost affectionately.  "Uzume," he mumbled.

            "What?"

            He shook his head.  "It does not matter.  Your life is mine now, and mine is yours.  We shall exist together, in the realm of the shadows."

            I nodded, hopelessly lost to his spell of dark seduction.  "Yes, but first, I must do away with the man that betrayed me.  Until then, I can never truly be free."

            "Then you shall go, next time you are summoned.  Break free of your master, and seek out the one who hurt you.  When your desire for his pain is filled, come back to me, and we shall escape together."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            _I slumped against the freezing stonewall, my arms aching from being chained above my head for so long.  My hair fell over my shoulders in dirty tangles, and my dress was torn and stained with blood and grime.  The days blurred into nights, an endless cycle that continued, unceasingly outside my window.  This was their way of interrogating me.  If I knew anything about the murder of my husband, surely I would break down and tell them after a few nights of this sort of treatment.  I wanted to, honestly.  But I held fast to my hope.  I knew that once I was free, he would be waiting._

_            Several guards entered the room then, and the biggest of them approached me.  He produced a key, and freed my wrists from the metal chains that trapped them._

_            "I'm free?" I questioned in a weary voice._

_            The guard looked down at me coldly, before kicking me in the stomach.  I was doubled over the damp floor when I heard him laugh and say, "Give it up.  His brother told us all about you.  You have plotted Sir Brahma's downfall from the beginning."_

_            I stared up with blurry eyes.  "What?  Who said that?"_

_            "Sir Ifrit.  He confessed to us that he once heard you talking about it, but did not think you would actually go through with it."_

_            I had tried to stand up, but only collapsed to the ground again when I heard this.  "He... He promised..." I murmured.  "What will become of him now?"_

_            "Sir Ifrit will take his brother's place as a ruler of Centra of course."_

_            "And I?"_

_            "You shall be executed for your crimes."_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

            I waited alone until he called me again.  My young master, so foolish now that his heart had thawed for a woman.  I found myself facing one of those creatures the living referred to as a 'T-rexaur'.  Behind me, I heard the master and his comrade speak.

            "What's wrong with Shiva?" a blonde-haired boy asked.  "She has this dark tint to her now, and those red eyes..."

            I turned sharply to the boy that had spoken of me.  There, I could sense Ifrit within him.  I could go about calmly, and wait to see if the boy will junction me, or if my master will once again junction Ifrit.  Or, I could go with the more direct approach.  If the boy died, Ifrit would die with him.

            I could feel part of me resisting the urge to attack, but the desire that had swelled within me was too great.  I needed to kill.  I needed to destroy.

            I wasted no more time with thoughts.  I commanded the ice to incase him, and the darkness to swallow him.  Let him feel what I feel, this numbness, these shadows that had taken hold of my spirit.  When the attack was finished, he was on his knees, bleeding and shaking.

            "What the hell's wrong with your G.F., man?" he demanded of my master.  The fear in his voice rang clear, and I smiled with satisfaction.    

            My master unsheathed his impressive weapon, and charged at me without further thought.  Yes, he and I still had something in common.  We were both masters of battle.  He swung his blade, but it passed right through me.  With the power of the darkness, I could not be touched.  I knocked him out of the way, and focused my attention once more on the boy with the black marking on his face.  This time I pounced on him, like some sort of animal, or monster, and tore into his flesh with my claws.  I shuddered at the scent of his blood, and licked it from the tips of my nails.  His life was quickly ebbing away.  Soon, the kill would be complete.

            I sat back and watched his breathing slow.  Close, so very close.  I was certain I would burst from impatience, when my master grabbed his friend by the arm and hauled him up from the floor, rushing away with him.

            I growled as my kill was dragged away, as my plot for vengeance was foiled.  But I would not stand by, and give up so easily.  I gave chase, following them into the halls of this place they called 'Garden'.  Many people stood in my way, and I cut them all down as I continued to track my prey.  The more blood that collected on my hands, the more addicted to the feeling I became.  Nothing could ever give me that sense of power, and control.  Life was finally in my hands, not just my own, but others' as well.

            At last, I cornered them in a room.  Inside, a doctor hurried about busily, attempting to save the young man's life.  I started to pounce on him, when suddenly I felt an unbearable heat upon my skin.

            I turned, and found myself facing the fire demon that served as the manifestation of Ifrit's spirit.  "Well, come all this way just for me?" I asked mockingly.  "That really wasn't necessary, but it will make destroying you so much easier."

            "If you have something to take up with me, so be it, but leave the living out of this."

            "Hmm," I considered for a moment.  "If you were plotting to kill your brother so that you can take his seat of power, maybe you should've left me out of it, too!"

            "What's done cannot be undone.  You never heard me out before.  Were it all just as simple as that, I would have passed on from this world, instead of being bound to it as I am.  Do you not see?"

            "I don't care, I've told you before.  I will kill you, and I will kill the boy, and I will kill everyone and everything else!"  I felt myself tremble in excitement once more at the thought of the destruction to come.

            I raised my hands and prepared for attack, when a set of claws stabbed into my back.  "It was not meant for you to join me.  You cannot handle the power I gave to you."

            I felt the strength seep from my body, and a brief awareness of what I had done passed through my mind, just before everything went black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

            I awoke to the darkness of my master's mind.  Standing there above me was Diablo, an air of sadness, or remorse seeming to poor from the usually emotionless man.  "What happened?" I asked, as I sat up.

            He kneeled beside me.  "I should never have given you that power.  It was not meant to be."

            "I don't understand," I sighed.  "What did you do to me?  Is... is everyone I hurt... dead?"  

            He shook his head.  "They sustained minor injuries.  All is well."

            "You haven't explained anything."

            He sighed and seated himself next to me.  "Her name was Uzume... she was the love of my life.  She was a beautiful woman, and I was nothing more than a lowly knight.  She married a duke for his fortune and status, and I... was left with no one."

            "So you fell into a world of darkness?"

            He nodded.  "Yes.  I went in search for someone to share in my grief, so that I would not have to be alone anymore.  I tried to spread my message of darkness to others.  A few months later, I was killed on the battlefield without ever finding someone.  I could not pass from this earth, until I found someone to share my misery.  From the moment I saw you, at your wedding to Brahma, you reminded me of her."

            "You tried to draw me into your world of darkness with you..." I realized.

            "Yes.  But you were not strong enough to maintain yourself within the darkness.  I had to let you free.  Still, to this day, I am alone."

            With that, Diablo stood and sauntered away.  I quickly got to my feet, about to go after him, and perhaps, comfort him, when that familiar source of heat touched my shoulder once more.  "Will you hear me out, now?"

            "Why should I?"

            "I was young, Shiva.  Young, stupid, and scared.  I thought power was the one thing I wanted most in my life, but of course, I wasn't willing to pay for it.  I didn't know they would execute you.  I thought that you being a woman, the most they would do is exile you, and once I was in power, I could order your return."

            "It's no excuse!" I screamed.  "If you think a mere apology will fix things between us you're even more of a fool than I thought!"

            "Someone told them the truth.  Someone that knew of our affair, and the plot we'd formed together.  Shortly after your execution, they turned me in as well, and executed me.  I could not leave this world, once I had died.  Something kept me here, and after days and days of wondering over the truth, I realized it was you.  I still... I mean, I really did... really do..."

            "Save it," I replied coolly, starting to walk away once more.

            "No!  You won't get rid of me that easily!  I've waited for centuries just to tell you that... I'm sorry... and I love you."

            The words made my heart flutter, just the same way it did some many years ago, when he looked into my eyes for the first time.  Still... After everything... Could I really just forgive him?  He had nothing to gain by lying to me now, but still...

            "Don't expect me to say it back," I said in a quiet voice.  "I still have a reputation as an ice queen to uphold, you know."

            He smiled ever so slightly.  "That's okay.  It will take time, but my fire will melt your ice, eventually."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N:  Well, I know Shiva wasn't very bad for very long, but couldn't have her just rampage without valid reason, and the reason I formulated... Kinda took up more than half the story.  Hope you enjoyed it, though!  

Some notes:  Brahma is the Hindu god of creation (Shiva is the Hindu god of destruction, so it's kind of a match of opposites).  Uzume is the Japanese Shinto goddess of happiness and fertility.  I thought since most of the G.F.s were named after some kind of god or legend, I would stick with the theme, and the name Uzume was the first to come to my mind.  Viator Et Iudicium is Latin for 'Messenger of Judgment' or  'Messenger and Judgment'.  Obviously the messenger is Diablo, and the judgment is in reference to Shiva's judging and punishing of Ifrit.  The 'lingering spirit that turns into a guardian force' theory is sort of a play off the 'aeons are spirits of the dead' theory.  


End file.
